"I have an amazing dog: half Labrador, half bulldog. A good combination. Well, sure, maybe she'll bite my leg off, but then she'll bring it back.”
Italian version at the link:Il rovescio della medaglia
The theme of the 'special' man and woman remains one of the favorite themes of our powerful infatuations, heartbreaking love affairs and fierce crushes. Here too, it is worth making some reflections, always for the sake of science and for the love of a beer in good company.
In the meantime, let's face the myth of Prince Charming and the Great Chick because of which women languidly wait for the knight without stain and without fear whereas men long the virginal-grand-whore who reassures their sense of virile omnipotence.
Beyond these extremely unrealistic extremes, there are, however, people with qualities out of the ordinary, in front of whom we can easily say that "they have an extra gear". A certain magnetic fascination radiates from them, often disconnected from the mostly ordinary physical appearance, yet embellished by something indefinable that at best I tend to call 'light of the soul’.
This quality, as attractive as it is at first glance, generally becomes very repellent for those who are not somehow on this wavelength. Initially, a strong depth of feeling and thought, combined with qualities such as straightforwardness and authenticity are undoubtedly fascinating for an intelligent and sensitive individual. In the long run, however, such an individual realizes that he or she is walking on the edge of an abyss: the profound and spiritual person knows how to live with his or her splendours and crises, but this is not necessarily tolerable for those close to him or her.
The profound and authentic person also has the not always pleasant virtue of saying what he thinks without filters, touching with great ease the uncovered nerves of the other as he ruthlessly strums his or her own. This is because of her/his ugly tendency to think that everyone seeks the truth as she/he does, so she/he applies this yardstick indiscriminately to her/his partner as well as to her/his pet, who honestly would also prefer a bit of healthy hypocrisy and quiet living.
Without disturbing mystical qualities or existential torments, just think of a woman with inner strength and emotional independence. Even an averagely intelligent man can rejoice at not finding 300 whatsapp or 20 calls per hour on his mobile phone, or outbursts of jealousy at the appearance of every supposedly female being. If, however, such a man does not possess a solid self-esteem and emotional serenity, after a while he will begin to condemn that woman as 'elusive, cold, uncomplacent and selfish'.
Knowing how to manage the forces of attraction and repulsion is therefore a process of progressive attunement and real listening to the other - it means knowing how to go a little beyond our fears, wounds and needs, questioning easy idealizations and improbable expectations.
It's about knowing how to handle the not always positive recoil - for our perception - of the 'positive' qualities of the other, learning to see where his dark sides resonate with our own sore points. All this can offer us an extra opportunity to grow and heal together, as long as it is possible and without needlessly hurting ourselves.