“But burned into my brain are these stolen images
Stolen images, baby, stolen images
Can you picture it? Babe, that life we could've lived”
(Lana Del Rey)
versione italiana al link La parola 'ormai'
It is an inescapable law of life: what does not evolve, degrades. Even apparent stasis is already a beginning of decay, because life is movement and pushes us to perfect ourselves through action and experiences, punctually countered by our limitations and fears.
Giorgia Sitta, not wrongly, states that the words ‘by now' should be erased from our personal vocabulary. Indeed, it is an expression that conveys helplessness and frustration - at best, resignation.
It is not at all a good sign when this words start to appear in our relationships, especially in romantic ones: 'by now it is too late', 'by now I am used to it', 'by now I don't even hope anymore'. Such talk or thoughts indicate that we have lost enthusiasm and trust in that relationship, we see no possibility of change, we are trapped in a loop of automatic behaviour and attitudes, in a compulsion to repeat.
Sometimes, unfortunately, forces come into play that far outweigh those of the couple themselves: unconscious fear of change, habits that have become sclerotic, laziness, dysfunctional ties with the mother or family of origin. All this stifles the eros and the vital momentum of the relationship, which tends to become sad, grey and die little by little.
Let us therefore pay attention to the sense of ‘by now' when it begins to appear in our lives, it is an alarm bell not to be underestimated. So let us ask ourselves where we have lost our way, where we have not understood each other, where we have not been willing to truly love, to say those sweet words or make those concrete and passionate gestures that make us tremble but can finally melt the frost in our hearts.