If I’m born again, I’ll give up. (I.Della Mea)
One might ask how we can move from the old couple setting to this new ideal, provided that we want to make this mental/emotional shift.The first step might be to try and embody such an idea in ourselves. What often keeps us away from this possibility is a fair share of laziness and resistance to change, plus the classic feeling of pride which makes us think “I’m ok exactly as I am because my mother told me so”. It’s always someone else who is supposed to change, at least a little bit. We need a lot of courage, humbleness and compassion to contact our aching dark sides, the ones who prevent us from establishing harmonious relationships.
When we develop some degree of authenticity and consistency, these qualities naturally manifest in our lives and get reflected in our interactions. If the current partner is not ready to change, some temporary disruptions might break the old, standard balance of the couple. These instabilities could lead either to the breakup of the relationship or to its renewal and empowerment. The last case happens when both partners decide to grow together and question their belief systems without becoming too defensive and resentful.
I think that the two types of couple, the old and the new style, are both coexistent within every relationship, by a percentage which is proportionate to the partners’ degree of awareness. The new modality of being together will increase in so far as we begin to open our heart to the other and to contact the wiser and truer part of us. A lot of people are already doing this, intuitively.
I’m aware that it’s not always easy and I experience this difficulty for myself, in my own life. I know how much it may cost us to go to our partner and say “Listen, this misunderstanding between us really hurts me, how can we work it out together? Could you help me?” Or “I’m sorry, I did you wrong. How can I make up for it? I love you”. I know it may be hard, but it may be worth it. After all…what have got we to lose? The ridiculous fanfare of the coolest guy in town or the pathetical blues of the seduced and abandoned damsel? Please, enough with it!
Ph. Chiara Benelli
To have a Counseling Session, also online please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or through the site www.sarabini.com