domenica 15 settembre 2019

LOVE AND THE SCORPION - Overcoming the fear to love

"With all due respect, those who only live by instincts and instants, I prefer to have them distinct and distant." (Sara Bini)

versione italiana al link L'amore e lo scorpione

Despite the title, this article is not an astrological disquisition on the couple affinities between the zodiac signs. Rather, I would like to talk about the ability and willingness to love, a virtue and an art that, through a thousand vicissitudes, hopefully will lead us to unite heart and brain, feeling and reason, emotion and planning. I know, I am an incurable idealist and optimistic, but I tend to have confidence in the human being, a confidence mostly confirmed by most of the people around me.

Just yesterday I was talking to a friend, a man of great heart, intelligence and culture, about the effects that relationships - and sometimes inevitable disappointments - can have on people.
"You know Sara," he said, "I'm afraid that after all the times I've opened my heart and been stabbed, the right person will come and I won't be able to love anymore.”
A justified fear, if we start from the common assumption that, in giving love, in a certain sense I empty myself and 'lose something'. In fact, when our heart is quite pure and mature, we can begin to realize that loving is primarily a nourishment for ourselves. 

The dedication, generosity and willingness that we set in motion to sustain this noble feeling are energies that we evoke in ourselves and that therefore pass through us, illuminate us and heal us. They fill our lives in spite of what the person concerned will do with them, who will in any case act according to their degree of understanding and awareness. 
If unfortunately, then, the relationship produces stagnation and suffering in us or in her/him, it is not an obligation to insist. A human being worthy of the name, after the initial upsets, is able to love someone even without sleeping with them. You can lose a person, but you do not necessarily lose the steps taken to experience a love as intimate and authentic as possible.

Following these reflections, my friend told me about the Zen parable "The Master and the Scorpion" which I report in full because, in my opinion, summarizes the essence of our conversation on these issues: 
"A Zen Master saw a scorpion drown and decided to take it out of the water. When he did, the scorpion stung him. Because of the effect of the pain, he left the animal that again fell into the water about to drown. The Master tried to pull it out again and the animal punished it again. A young disciple who was there approached him and said, "Excuse me, Master, why do you continue? Don't you understand that every time you try to pull it out of the water it stings you? “. The Master answered:
"The nature of the scorpion is to sting, and that will not change mine which is to help.”

Then, with the help of a leaf, he pulled the scorpion out of the water and saved his life, then turning to his young disciple, he continued: "Don't change your nature: if someone hurts you, just take precautions, because men are almost always ungrateful for the benefit you are doing to them. But this is not a reason to stop doing good, to abandon the love that lives in you. Some pursue happiness, others create it. Worry more about your conscience than about your reputation. Because your consciousness is who you are, and your reputation is what others think of you. When life presents you with a thousand reasons to cry, show her that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

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