"Life is always more important than our problems."(Rodolfo Carone, Francesca Tuzzi)
This song is loosely inspired by Thomas Mann's "Tonio Kröger," one of my favorite books in high school and college. The lyrics, which I post below, reflect my feeling that I have sometimes lived, and, that I am partly still living, a simulacrum of life. This especially concerns those aspects of my existence most tainted by rigidity, emotional blockages, fears.
Such a state of paralysis of will, such an ice age of emotions and feelings, such a flight on the mental-intellectual plane reached its peak during my college years. Fortunately, I remembered spending times of greater inner harmony and coherence and matured an intuitive idea of what to do to recover them.
The key word here is really 'do'. Without action, and of course I mean action other than habitual action, no change happens. By the way, when you honestly set out on a path of healing, Life, or God for those who believe, sends you 'helpers,' that is, people, books and situations that can support you on this new journey. Not everyone has the courage and humility to benefit, let alone ask for help, shielding themselves behind a falsely heroic 'I have to do it alone.'
In my case it took years of disciplined inner work before I regained a decent balance, as the transformation of emotions is not a process under the direct control of the will. What's more, when the affective dimension is sadly frozen, the will itself freezes.
Healing means reunifying the various aspects of our existence, where illness is precisely the tendency to segment them into watertight compartments that often hinder each other or pursue conflicting ends. May every sincere seeker find the way to heal his own painful inner fractures and taste the fullness of life that Christ himself promised us "I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly"(Jn. 10:10) and that is our birthright.
Below is the video and the translation of song lyrics : Tonia Kröger
Here I am, Thomas Mann's Tonia, spectator of someone else's lives
Inge and Hans under the mistletoe, while I grieve
Spectator of someone else's joys
Well' by now, I let go
Here I am, Thomas Mann's Tonia
Hungry for trivia
Kisses, dancing and laughter, behind a glass observed
Hungry for simplicity
Well' by now, I let go
Between two worlds I swing, poetry is my foothold
But life slips away from me
I discount the contrapasso, in my karma now imprinted
And love slips away from me
Between my books I entangle, that I find no better
Deprived of vitality
Now that I ask little, not even this is given me
To the next life, who knows