-Maybe didn't i live the way I was supposed to? - He suddenly thought. -But how can it be, if I have always done what everyone else does, what should be done according to society? What did I miss?" (Lev Tolstoy "The death of Ivan Ilic”)
versione italiana al link: Sto vivendo davvero la mia vita?
We are constantly immersed in the noise of everyday life with its many things to do: issues with children, with the partner, work, the chatter of convenience, social networks, bills, deadlines ... a list that may never end. We are constantly running, anxious, wandering on the surface of life to keep us afloat laboriously or to get a bit of affection and approval. We could go on like this until old age, if we're lucky, and then at some point look back and panic when faced with the question: 'Have I really lived?
I am reminded of the cry of Ivan Ilic, the protagonist of the famous novel by Tolstoy mentioned at the beginning of this post. Ivan Ilic is an established man, with a happy marriage, who at some point discovers that he has an incurable disease. The last days of his life he is caught by an explosive and inconsolable weeping; he is not afraid of death, he is rather the pain of having missed the real life. It is the primordial cry, the existential cry of those who only at the last moment realize they have lived an unconscious life - a life without a soul, as I call it.
Let us not follow his example, let us return to ourselves in time, let us return to our centre, to our uniqueness as human beings. Let's think about it now, about the possibility of giving our existence a unique, creative and full direction and meaning. Let's not go with grains of sand slipping between our fingers; let's create some gems of meaning, some moments of precious fullness.
After all, the only possible abandonment on this planet is ours: it is I who leave myself. I forget myself, I don't answer myself on my inner whatsapp, I let myself be distanced from my authenticity, from my vital center. The other rejections, the other abandonments, are only variations on the theme of this first existential loss, my ego that disperses in the world.
Let's find ourselves again. Let's reconnect, let's re-embrace ourselves.
It will be on the wave of this deep marriage within that we will be able to really meet and touch the hearts of anyone else, be it our son, our partner, our parents, our friends, the whole of humanity.