"Let me peacefully enjoy the joys of divorce."
Versione italiana al link: La coppia non è psicoterapia
We women, but also some men with a very pronounced feminine side, secretly consider the romantic relationship as a kind of free psychotherapy. We may not be totally aware of it, but deep in our hearts we hope that the relationship will save us, that that 'he' will not touch and at the same time heal all our emotional wounds: abandonment, rejection, betrayal, lack of Kinder snacks, sadistic rationing of Nutella.
While it is true that a couple can represent a path of growth and even a 'corrective emotional experience', in the sense that it has to be corrected by dint of grappas and spirits, it is very bold to think that the unfortunate partner, rarely an enlightened one, can really take charge of resolving our inner dramas, which extend from childhood, or rather, from prehistory to the present day.
He will already be quite heroic if he silently and stoically endures our endless tales of ex-bastards, anaffective mothers, absent fathers, avoiding dogs and rejecting turtles. And yet we continue to pursue the myth of emotional sharing, when in my opinion it would already be quite an achievement to share a plate of spaghetti in happiness, make love with satisfaction and plan a nice weekend.
After all, we do not usually appreciate, or rather, we take for granted, what we already have, investing our energies in trying to manipulate and reshape the other: it is like asking a dog to meow, no wonder if in the end we feel frustrated, resentful and empty. In our therapeutic persistence, which would even be noble if applied to ourselves and with the help of a professional, we do not give up on our partner, whom we have already widely defined as dysfunctional, because:
1) we have to evolve through this and learn something (What? Mystery of faith)
2) he has to evolve (the way we like it) and learn something (see above).
Such mechanisms have now become practically DNA; they are very difficult to identify and not to 'justify', given the rhetoric and sentimentality with which couple life is generally imagined and defined in our sad and superficial society. In short, we are all waiting for our soul mate when it is more difficult to find a good plumber or to cancel a telephone contract without paying too many charges.