“I'm losing you, I know your heart is miles away
There's a whisper there where once there was a storm
And all that's left is that image that I've filed away
And some memories have tattered as they're torn”(Jagger-Richards)
Versione italiana al link : Il tempo è amore
A few weeks ago, with my closest friends, we were wondering what characterises a healthy and valuable romantic relationship. Obviously, each of us has a different perception, just as each of us has a different way of interpreting and living time.
At the end of the day, however, a good relationship is one in which time is spent well together. Here again, time is a determining factor: it reveals deceptions and self-deceptions, compatibilities and differences. For example, if your partner assures you that he or she wants to live together but never shows up with a suitcase in hand or does not invite you to move in with him or her, something is not right. Or if he tells you that he misses you and then not only does he not move, but he does not even talk about seeing you again: either because of the lockdown, or because he has a lot to do... perhaps because he does not want you enough.
What I am referring to at this point is the 'basic' development and projectual time of a couple, I am not even talking about soul mates, mental sharing or filling emotional needs. First of all because, at least as far as I am concerned, having reached this venerable age and having worked a little on my character, I already have various friends who love me and with whom I can spend hours discussing everything from my metaphysical yearnings to pistachio puddings. Are they all potential partners? Obviously not. Secondly, because as an abundantly adult person, and thank God not vaccinated, it would also be the case to resolve on my own my affective needs and my existential crises without projecting them on the partner who, poor guy, will probably have his own.
When I speak of an average decent relationship, I am referring instead to desiring and feeling desired, to being well and joyfully together. I am talking about the willingness and ability to carve out quality time, to share experiences, even the simplest and most everyday ones, such as eating or sleeping together, kissing in front of a sunset, laughing on a movie cuddled up on the sofa, or showing each other the places and faces of our lives. Of course, the current moment does not exactly seem to be conducive to encounters, contact and a full life, and yet that is precisely why we need it most. Believing to have or cultivate a relationship via chat or telephone is the illusion that defends us from confrontation with true love; it can hide the fear of our own feelings and emotions. Or, more simply, it is just laziness due to lack of interest in the assumed partner.
"Nothing is trivial", said Brandon Lee in the film 'The Crow'. Never take people for granted, childishly deluding ourselves that they will always be there for us. As the Magnificent said, 'Let him who wishes to be happy, be happy: there is no certainty of tomorrow'. Especially now.