I WANT A SPECIAL MAN/WOMAN

"You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

And I wish I was special

You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep "(Radiohead)

Versione italiana al link Voglio un uomo/una donna speciale

Come on, let's face it: nothing is free in life. The most beautiful things, we have often sweated and suffered to get them. Happiness, we must be able to afford it. It can cost commitment and courage, responsibility and jumps in the dark. It can cost mistakes and 'horrors', as I sometimes love to say.

After all, by my very nature, I have always preferred "an end with horror to an endless horror", just to quote Enzensberger, and I mean the horror of a flat life, stagnant, or based on relationships of convenience in which you wear masks even in contradiction to each other.

Sometimes we hope that it is the magical encounter, a special person who 'saves' us, who brings us out of our boredom or suffering, who gives meaning to our lives, filling in the gaps. And here the eternal dilemma arises: many women want a 'special man' and also many men say they are looking for a 'special woman'. Then, who knows why, they choose te ‘habitual’, the 'normal', the 'banal'. 

The explanation is that the 'special', at the end of the day, is scary. It is what we cannot control, the unknown, the one who brings out our deepest insecurities, as well as our most dazzling splendours. 

All this is true in the fortunate case in which we really come across an out-of-the-ordinary person. But does this person exist? Are there special men and women? Is there an ideal partner? 

Not until we become one. Someone has to start doing it! 

We are always very good at making our demands on life, the universe or Santa Claus...but how much are we willing to give? How much are we willing to be - special? 

Also, why should a special person bother to be with us, especially if after a couple of months of dating we try to 'normalize' or 'tame' them according to our needs and our unhealed emotional wounds? Please! Let's start to change our perspective and turn the paradigm upside down:

Give what you would like to have.

Become who you would like to meet.

Be your 'special' person, that means: know, discover, express your talents, realize the beautiful in your life, the good, the true. If nothing else, you will no longer have time to complain about why life not sending you some special person!

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

AM I REALLY LIVING MY LIFE?

-Maybe didn't i live the way I was supposed to? - He suddenly thought. -But how can it be, if I have always done what everyone else does, what should be done according to society? What did I miss?" (Lev Tolstoy "The death of Ivan Ilic”)

versione italiana al link: Sto vivendo davvero la mia vita?

We are constantly immersed in the noise of everyday life with its many things to do: issues with children, with the partner, work, the chatter of convenience, social networks, bills, deadlines ... a list that may never end. We are constantly running, anxious, wandering on the surface of life to keep us afloat laboriously or to get a bit of affection and approval. We could go on like this until old age, if we're lucky, and then at some point look back and panic when faced with the question: 'Have I really lived?

I am reminded of the cry of Ivan Ilic, the protagonist of the famous novel by Tolstoy mentioned at the beginning of this post. Ivan Ilic is an established man, with a happy marriage, who at some point discovers that he has an incurable disease. The last days of his life he is caught by an explosive and inconsolable weeping; he is not afraid of death, he is rather the pain of having missed the real life. It is the primordial cry, the existential cry of those who only at the last moment realize they have lived an unconscious life - a life without a soul, as I call it.

Let us not follow his example, let us return to ourselves in time, let us return to our centre, to our uniqueness as human beings. Let's think about it now, about the possibility of giving our existence a unique, creative and full direction and meaning. Let's not go with grains of sand slipping between our fingers; let's create some gems of meaning, some moments of precious fullness.

After all, the only possible abandonment on this planet is ours: it is I who leave myself. I forget myself, I don't answer myself on my inner whatsapp, I let myself be distanced from my authenticity, from my vital center. The other rejections, the other abandonments, are only variations on the theme of this first existential loss, my ego that disperses in the world.

Let's find ourselves again. Let's reconnect, let's re-embrace  ourselves.

It will be on the wave of this deep marriage within that we will be able to really meet and touch the hearts of anyone else, be it our son, our partner, our parents, our friends, the whole of humanity.

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

WHO IS THE SPIRITUAL PERSON? 2: the trap of "everybody does it"

"And here I am, a 42 year old woman: less beauty, less sex-appeal, less possibility of maternity... I've been waiting for this moment all my life!!" (Sara Bini)

Versione italiana al link : Chi è la persona spirituale? 2: il tranello del 'lo fanno tutti'

In addition to what was written in the previous post, the 'spiritual' person usually also has an ethics, another bad word that needs to be clarified a little. 'Ethics' in fact does not refer to the hypocritical morality currently in vogue, whereby each person accommodates the values for his or her own use and consumption. 

If, for example, the spiritual person has the ideal of honesty and integrity, he will not try to make a career to the detriment of others, justifying his own baseness with the classic 'so much everyone does that'. If he believes in harmlessness, he will not hesitate to sacrifice a clandestine relationship in the name of clarity and respect for all those involved in the game.

From what I have written, one can deduce another important characteristic of the spiritual person: if necessary, he knows how to go beyond himself, beyond his selfishness, beyond the bubble of his needs and desires. She is capable of this not only for the sake of a child or loved one, but basically she would do it for anyone, because she begins to feel part of Something that transcends her own person. She deeply understands that damaging another human being, even if a little unpleasant or totally unknown, means damaging the vital organism of which she herself is a part.

When that person then begins to taste experiences of transcendence, i.e. experiences of beauty, joy and unconditional love, it is also quite natural that he tends to prefer them over a kilo of Florentine steak or an hour of wild sex. This might explain why the word 'spiritual' is generally associated with something 'ascetical' or, at best, 'ethereal' or 'morigerate'. In fact, this person simply found pleasure and attraction in something else, and this without taking anything away from steak and the like.

Another interesting thing, the spiritual person would very often not know how to define what 'Spirit' is; he could even declare himself atheist or agnostic. Yet his life opens up to the power of Life and is a concrete witness of trust in it. Even if one has not yet had mystical experiences, those who find themselves on the path of inner search feel that their perception is limited and they reasonably question it. It is assumed that, if one can count only up to seven, this does not mean that eight does not exist.

It is therefore a matter of learning a healthy balance where everything finds its place and its space of expression. This balance will necessarily be subjective and dynamic, since everyone has a different relationship with their needs and desires, which in turn change over time according to the pace of evolution.

In conclusion, 'spiritual' is the person who, instead of complaining about the world, resolves within himself the ugliness and contradictions; instead of decorating and making comfortable the Platonic cave, she/he tries in some way to get out of it; instead of slowing down or making the hamster's wheel more pleasant, She/he sets it free. 

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

WHO IS THE SPIRITUAL PERSON? 1: A ‘suspicious’ race

“He had holes in his pockets

He had holes in his hands

He looked like an outlaw talkin' to his lover

He was a spiritual man”(Toto ‘Spiritual Man’)

Versione italiana al link: Chi è la persona spirituale? 1: una razza sospetta

Every now and then I enjoy observing the reactions of some people when, for some reason, I happen to say that "I am a woman who tends to be spiritual". 

I have noticed that there is a lot of confusion around this word. Those who know me superficially are a little stunned by this statement, because they don't see in me either the appearance or the ways they would expect from a Gandhi or a Saint Theresa of Lisieux. On the other hand, some women look at me with fierce pity as if I were doing a painful outing like: "I'm ugly and bad, I can't have children and I'll soon lock myself up in the convent.

Finally, some men enter a state of alarm as if I had told them, "Look, I won't give it to you," which is not necessarily true, but it immediately becomes so when I catch the fear and anger in their eyes. On the other hand, at least for me, there is nothing less aphrodisiac than a man still powerfully identified with instincts, impulses and various bodily offal.

Having said that, just to clarify the concept a little, the spiritual individual is neither an ascetic nor a crucifix nor an icy creature without emotions or feelings. Depending on his path and choices, he can marry, have children, make money, have sex, succeed, grieve or rejoice, get angry or tender, just like any other human being. So the difference should not be seen so much in terms of 'what' but of 'how', that is, not in quantitative terms but in terms of quality of life. It is therefore necessary to consider the basic attitude and also the ultimate perspective through which the 'spiritual' person perceives reality and his own existence.

Paraphrasing the good Jesus, the 'spiritual' person lives in the world but without belonging to the world, that is, he is no longer totally determined by his own or others' emotions, impulses, beliefs and convictions. This 'lightening' of the cumbersome marasmus of one's own personality opens up a space of freedom and choice in one's life. 

This allows unfulfilled desires to be deferred without too much pain and in some cases even transcended, making the individual less anxious, less possessive and less loaded with expectations about his unfortunate neighbor. He will develop a much more responsible attitude and feel less and less victimized by adverse deity, bad karma, or simply bad luck, rather trying to learn the lesson of wisdom hidden behind the apparent chaos of his own earthly life.

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

A WANDERING SPIRIT

“There's nothing more erotic, for me, than a person with a genuine existential longing.”(Sara Bini)

versione italiana al link: Un'anima inquieta

When the restlessness of the soul becomes particularly strong and conscious, we begin to vaguely realize that the point is not so much the quantity and variety of our experiences, but rather their intrinsic quality, their flavor, their resonance. Gradually, we begin to penetrate deeper and deeper into the experiences we are living, enjoying more and more their fullness and also, sometimes, their painful conflicts. We become aware of our inner fractures, inconsistencies, but also of our potential and our resources.

We also begin to take some responsibility for the not always exceptional quality of our daily lives. With some difficulty, we slowly realize that it is not only the fault of the husband or wife, in our opinion so limited and apathetic, if our life stagnates ... maybe it is ourselves who are stagnating inwardly, despite the many external activities in which we embark.

However, setting the inner life in motion and getting to know really ourselves can easily put in crisis well-consolidate and maybe well functioning family or work balances, though they are frustrating. It takes great courage, a lot of love and trust in Life to abandon ourselves to the breath of our soul; it could shake our quiet life, undermine the compromises made to save appearances and corrode all those beloved pseudo-certainties, held up thanks to tons of Malox and Xanax. 

##see the posts ...and everything is alright, without words and one anxiety at a time, please

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

A WANDERING SPIRIT - Un’anima inquieta

“Non c’è niente di più erotico, per me, di una persona con un autentico anelito esistenziale. -There's nothing more erotic, for me, than a person with a genuine existential longing.”(Sara Bini)

Quando poi l’inquietudine dell’anima diviene particolarmente forte e consapevole, si comincia vagamente a intuire che non si tratta tanto della quantità e della varietà dei nostri vissuti, quanto della loro intrinseca qualità, del loro sapore, della loro risonanza. Gradualmente, iniziamo a penetrare sempre più a fondo le esperienze che stiamo vivendo, gustandone sempre più la pienezza e anche, talvolta, la loro dolorosa conflittualità. Diventiamo consapevoli delle nostre fratture interiori, delle incongruenze, ma anche delle nostre potenzialità e delle nostre risorse. 

Cominciamo anche a prenderci un po’ di responsabilità per la qualità non sempre eccezionale del nostro vivere quotidiano. Faticosamente, ci rendiamo conto che non è solo colpa del marito o della moglie, a nostro avviso limitati e apatici, se la nostra vita ristagna… magari siamo noi stessi che stiamo ristagnando interiormente, a dispetto delle mille attività esteriori in cui c’imbarchiamo.

Tuttavia, mettere in moto proprio la vita interiore e iniziare a conoscersi davvero può facilmente mettere in crisi equilibri familiari o lavorativi consolidati e magari ben funzionanti, sebbene frustranti. Occorre un grande coraggio, tanto amore e tanta fiducia nella Vita per abbandonarsi al respiro della propria anima; potrebbe scuotere il nostro quieto vivere, minare i compromessi fatti per salvare le apparenze e corrodere tutte quelle amate pseudo-certezze, tenute in piedi a forza di Malox e Xanax. 

##Vedi i post ...e va bene così, senza parole e Un'ansia alla volta, per favore

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

ONE ANXIETY AT A TIME, PLEASE

“I’m old, now, and all I have left is imagining stories I’ve never lived and writing songs I’ll never sing.”(Sara Bini)

versione italiana al link :Un'ansia alla volta, per favore

On the other hand, there is a whole apparatus as powerful and often predominant that tends to stand between our soul and our moments of precious fullness: it is our ordinary biological, and largely automatic,  personality. 

It is not exactly calibrated to experience states of grace, indeed, its day oscillates between boredom and anxiety, repetitive and mechanical activities, habitual reactions, predictable and mechanical emotions. It sees joy as sensual pleasure or social gratification, its ‘restlessness’ manifests itself as anxiety for the future, regrets or guilt for the past, desire to get something or someone, anxiety to lose something or someone.

The restlessness of the soul, on the contrary, can be synthesized in the feeling of "there must be something else, in life". Now, usually this feeling is immediately intercepted by our ordinary personality who interprets it in materialistic and quantitative terms: more things (money, cars, houses, clothes) or more emotions (sex, prestige, exotic trips).

At best, the sense of 'there must be more' leads to an exploration of our untapped potential, through the development of new passions or interests or by recovering talents and skills abandoned in the course of the 'mechanical' life.

##see the posts ...and everything is alright, without words and A wandering spirit

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

UN’ANSIA ALLA VOLTA, PER FAVORE

“Sono vecchia, ormai, e l’unica gioia rimasta è immaginare storie che non ho mai vissuto e scrivere canoni che non canterò più. - I’m old, now, and all I have left is imagining stories I’ve never lived and writing songs I’ll never sing.”(Sara Bini)

D’altra parte, c’è tutto un apparato altrettanto possente e spesso predominante che tende a frapporsi tra la nostra anima e i momenti di preziosa pienezza: si tratta della nostra ordinaria personalità biologica e in gran parte automatica. Essa non è esattamente tarata per sperimentare stati di grazia, anzi, la sua giornata oscilla tra noia e ansia, attività ripetitive e meccaniche, reazioni abitudinarie, emozioni prevedibili e meccaniche. Vede la gioia come piacere sensuale o gratificazione sociale, la sua inquietudine si manifesta come ansia per il futuro, rimpianti o sensi di colpa per il passato, desiderio di ottenere qualcosa o qualcuno, angoscia di perdere qualcosa o qualcuno.

L’inquietudine dell’anima, al contrario, si può sintetizzare nella sensazione del ‘ci deve pur essere altro, nella vita’. Ora, di solito questo sentimento viene subito intercettato dalla nostra personalità ordinaria che lo interpreta in termini materialistici e quantitativi: più cose (soldi, auto, case, vestiti) o più emozioni (sesso, prestigio, viaggi esotici).

Nella migliore delle ipotesi inoltre, il senso del ‘deve pur esserci altro’ porta a un’esplorazione del proprio potenziale inespresso, attraverso lo sviluppo di nuove passioni o interessi o recuperando talenti e capacità abbandonate nel corso della vita ‘meccanica’.

##vedi il post precedente ...e va bene così, senza parole e il post seguente Un'anima inquieta

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

…AND EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT, WITHOUT WORDS

"And watching television

It came to me as the impression

That it was stealing my time.

And that you were stealing love from me

But then I walked a lot and out of the way

There was a big sun

That I haven't thought about all this stuff anymore.

And everything,s alright, without words” (Vasco Rossi)

Versione italiana al link ...E va bene così, senza parole

I've always been a seeker, a restless soul…rest-less, but also, often, rest-ful. It is not uncommon, in fact, that my thirst for Life and awareness  finds a rest and an answer in moments of touching inner peace and joyful fullness. These are moments that must be lived, more than explained, words do not do them justice. To give a taste of it, I could say that our inner space expands, our perception intensifies, time stops and we feel that, in spite of everything, ‘everything's just alright, Life is perfect’.

Such meaningful experiences of connection usually do not happen by chance: there is some form of preparation, a sort of predisposition, an inner question that invites them. In fact, it is something so simple and paradoxically so powerful that it is capable of transforming, at least for a little while, our way of being in the world.

All this is very different from the feeling of gratification, the satisfaction of a desire or the simple absence of mental pain. It almost seems that there is a precise place in us designed to receive these experiences, a kind of 'organ' to tune in to them; I call this place and this instrument 'soul'.

## see the following post one anxiety at a time, please

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

…E VA BENE COSÌ, SENZA PAROLE

“E guardando la televisione

Mi è venuta come l'impressione

Che mi stessero rubando il tempo

E che tu che tu mi rubi l'amore

Ma poi ho camminato tanto e fuori

C'era un grande sole

Che non ho più pensato a tutte queste cose

E va bene così, senza parole”(Vasco Rossi)

Sono sempre stata una ricercatrice, un’anima inquieta…inquieta, ma anche, spesso, in-quiete. Non è raro, infatti, che la mia sete di Vita e consapevolezza trovino sosta e risposta in momenti di toccante pace interiore e gioiosa pienezza. Sono istanti che devono essere vissuti, più che spiegati, le parole non rendono loro giustizia. Per darne un assaggio potrei dire che il nostro spazio interno si espande, la percezione si intensifica, il tempo si dilata e si sente che, nonostante tutto, ‘va bene, così, la Vita è perfetta’.

Tali esperienze di senso e connessione di solito non capitano a caso: c’è una qualche forma di preparazione, una sorta di predisposizione, una domanda interiore che le invita. In effetti si tratta di qualcosa così semplice e allo stesso paradossalmente così potente che è capace di trasformare, almeno per un attimo, il nostro stare al mondo.

Tutto ciò è ben diverso dalla sensazione di gratificazione, dall’appagamento di un desiderio o dalla semplice assenza di dolore mentale. Sembra quasi ci sia un luogo preciso, in noi, adibito alla ricezione di queste esperienze, una specie di ‘organo’ per sintonizzarsi con esse; io chiamo questo luogo e questo strumento ‘anima’.

##continua nel post Un'ansia alla volta, per favore

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.

MY STORY: 18 ATTEMPTS TO (NOT) BECOME A SAINT

"You'll never make a saint of me”  (Mick Jagger)

Versione italiana al link 18 tentativi per (non) diventare una santa

I find myself rather in difficulty when I have to talk about myself retracing the stages of my inner journey. I have always been a little strange and, to paraphrase Woody Allen, I never had any doubt that there was an invisible world. The question was: how far was it from my human centre and what was its closing time?

In short, my story in this life tells the story of the difficulties of an incarnation, of finding a place and a meaning to my being here. In fact, I've always been somewhere beyond, in the ethereal realms of imagination, music and poetry rather than here on earth, to pursue the goals that almost everyone found interesting and compelling: money, success, a partner, a steady job.

My, let's say, 'ethereal' essence did not, however, make me one of those people who are commonly defined as 'moral' or 'spiritual'. On the contrary, my sharp and angular character was the cross of the first years of life of both myself and the poor people around me who had to endure it.

At a certain point, given my disastrous beginnings in social relations, once I have finished middle school, I dared to ask myself a fundamental question. I did not imagine that it would be the source of my transformation path. I asked myself: "But would I, honestly, be the kind of girl I'd like to go for a pizza with?" and surprisingly I replied: "No!"

From there, more or less consciously, my  search began manifesting itself in various activities: drawing, poetry, painting, writing, music, meditation.   It was also guided by various 'gurus' of whom I will mention only a few: Bruce Lee, John Lennon, Mick Jagger, Padre Pio, Lao-Tzu, Roberto Benigni, Maria Cassi, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Whoopy Goldberg, Bud Spencer & Terence Hill, Antony de Mello, Byron Katie, Massimo Rodolfi, Rainer Maria Rilke, Samuel Beckett, Mother Teresa, Hermann Hesse, Charlie Chaplin, Raymond Queneau and all those unsuspected people, those friends of the Heart who, with their words and their actions, have daily illuminated my way.

I thank them deep because each time they showed me a part of myself and of the great and wonderful symphony of Life.This is just to say how I started, and how I have not finished... nor will I probably  finish, ever. 

Per prenotare  un colloquio  di Counseling contattatemi attraverso il mio sito  Le Vie per l'Armonia.